Life Begins at 80

I have good news for you. The first 80 years are the hardest. The second 80 are a succession of birthday parties. Once you reach 80, everyone wants to carry your baggage and help you up the steps. If you forgot your name or anybody else’s name, or an appointment, or your own telephone number, or promise to be three places at one time, or can’t remember how many grandchildren you have, you only need to explain that you are 80.

Being 80 is better than being 70 because at 70 people are mad at you for everything. At 80 you have a perfect excuse no matter what you do. If you act foolishly, it is your second childhood. Everybody is looking for symptoms of softening of the brain. Being 70, they expect you to be retiring to a house in Florida and complain about your arthritis [they used to call it lumbago] and you ask everybody to stop mumbling because you can’t understand them. [Actually your hearing is about 50% gone.] If you survive until you are 80, everybody is surprised that you are still alive. They treat you with respect just for having lived so long. Actually they seem surprised that you can walk and talk sensibly.

So please folks try to make it to 80. It’s the best time of your life. People forgive you for anything. If you ask me, life begins at 80.

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